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DAYTONA BEACH, FL—Despite finishing a distant 22nd in the 2009 running of the Daytona 500, veteran driver Bobby Labonte expressed supreme...


BUFFALO, NY—In a move that will immediately impact a roster that is already full of shit, the Bills added what many believe will be the missing piece of shit to the team's puzzle Saturday by signing world-class shitass Terrell Owens.


Boxing officials are hoping the once in a lifetime chance to see Holyfield try to take down thoroughbred Evening Dream will reignite interest in...


PHILADELPHIA—Michael Vick's pregame pep talk Sunday, in which he recounted the events of a brutal 2004 dogfight between his pit bull terrier Zebro and rival pit bull Maniac, failed to inspire his teammates in any way whatsoever, Eagles team sources reported.


ST. LOUIS—Unsure whether it was the famous boxer's birthday, his death, the anniversary of one of his historic fights, or some other...


MIAMI—Alex "Fuck-Rod" Rodriguez, who has been given many unflattering nicknames by the press during the course of an eventful and turbulent...


Sepak takraw fan favorite Nguyen Thi Buch Thuy has once again angered Coach Lap with his antics on the pitch.


PARIS—Cancer survivor Lance Armstrong's inspirational third-place Tour de France finish has motivated thousands of patients battling cancer to eventually finish third to their life-threatening disease.


Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland


Steam Room analysts debate whether the International Fencing Federation should rein in this rogue, or if De La Croix will narrowly escape yet again.


PITTSBURGH—In a torrent of emotion that both blanked out Kenneth Weiss' memory and skewed his judgment, the longtime Steelers fan declared...


SAN FRANCISCO—Confused by a news report about someone named Barry Zito, local fan Tad Knackers took 20 or so minutes Tuesday to research the...


ORLANDO, FL—With the Lakers' 99-86 victory over the Magic in Game 5 of the NBA Finals, shooting guard Kobe Bryant silenced critics Sunday, achieving what many had said was impossible: winning an NBA title with Luke Walton on his team....


On the eve of the Sears Classic 500, legendary NASCAR coach Dan Amon shares his strategy for driving really fast in circles.


IRVING, TEXAS—In an attempt to cut the franchise's losses and "move forward in a positive direction," the Dallas Cowboys severed ties with controversial owner Jerry Jones Monday, ending their tumultuous 20-year relationship with the divisive figure.


SOMEWHERE ALONG I-65—Best buddies Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz, both of whom find themselves at professional crossroads and both desperately wanting to rekindle their friendship, decided on Sunday that a soul-searching road trip was the...


DETROIT—Claiming that determining an unquestioned national champion through a playoff system "went against the very idea of sporting competition," and that the sheer exuberance of college basketball fans was "a shocking and nauseating...


BEAVERTON, OR—The new campaign, which Nike advertising executive Paul Dewitt barely mustered the energy to title "Usain Bolt: Fast Guy," is scheduled to debut next March.


FLUSHING, NEW YORK—After dozing off between innings in front of more than 41,000 cheering fans Monday night, an exhausted Mr. Met informed team officials that he has not slept since the Mets moved from Shea Stadium to Citi Field.


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hope you have a very merry christmas!!! hugs connie
I feel a sin cumming on! Sin like you mean it!
Sinnious

hope you have a wonderful day my friend and may all your hopes and dreams come true!!! hugs connieView All Comments